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EPOS: You Are What You Buy


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Tip#1 on How to Pretend You are Japanese : Don’t bother putting make-up on at home, that’s what trains are for

Forget about getting ready at home. You live in Japan, remember.

Now, let’s have a look at the cost-benefit analysis for women between using that long commuting time for reading books and putting on make-up.

Reading books:

GOOD. Of course, reading books on the train is initially a nice trick that kills some of that daily 1 hour 46 minute commuting time. Potentially increases your intelligence.

BAD. No Japanese man likes an intelligent woman.

BAD. Reading makes you look mature, and no Japanese man likes a woman who is not “—teen”. As they say in Japan, a woman over 25 is as useful as a Christmas cake after the 25th of Dec.

GOOD. You can read a children’s book and make people think you’re 14, not 40.

GOOD. You can use the book to pretend you’re reading and secretly apply make-up.

Applying make-up:

GOOD. Make-up makes you look good, cute, lovely… and if you’re very skillful- prepubescent young.

GOOD. Japanese men like good looking prepubescent women.

GOOD. Applying make-up on the train gives the impression that you’re over 12 years old, which is a good trick if you’re actually 8 and going after that wealthy businessman next to you in hopes of getting some Luis Vuitton bags.

BAD. Looking good increases your chances of being felt up in crowded trains by drunk salary-men.

BAD. It can be a little dangerous if the train makes a sudden unexpected movement. Worst case scenario, your eye-liner might not look well applied. Of course, you might also get your eye pierced with an eye-liner. It is thus helpful to memorise the route your train takes with all hills and turns. It also helps having smaller eyes, because the reduced aperture and the angle of the eyelid make the application of liquid eyeliner less time consuming and thus the time spent directly facing the fiasco risk reduced to the minimum.

CONCLUSION: It’s a draw.

But if you do decide to take a book with you, please be aware the only reason this choice had a draw is because of it’s alternative uses.

Oh, and you can also use it as a portable make up table.japan-anti-makeup2