OK, here’s how they celebrate Valentine’s day in Japan.
Basically, women have to give chocolate to all the men they know. Work colleagues (sometimes called “duty chocolate”), classmates, friends etc. I remember our Japanese teacher brought chocolate to the class I had in England, and she only gave it to the guys. (Biatch)
However, “the one” deserves some special treatment. The trick is, for all these random men you bring shop bought chocolate, but for the one you like you have to make your own chocolate. On the other hand, not all of us have cocoa bean grinding equipment, so most women just buy baking chocolate, melt it, add things to it and shape it into their own mold. That’s what I’m doing, so I thought I could share the fruits of my hard labor in terms of ideas. Here are some links on how to make chocolate at home without any fancy equipment:
- A great video tutorial by John Scharffenberger, using cacao nibs, sugar and spices. Here.
- Another recipe, this time using baking chocolate, sugar, fat and cocoa powder. Here.
- An interesting recipe, using coconut. Here.
- This looks a little bit more simple and it includes some ideas on things you can add. Here.
Oh, and boys, don’t forget the White Day is coming…
OK, it’s a common truth that the Japanese don’t shave their hairy private parts. Now you’d think you don’t have to worry about that because the Japanese don’t generally see your shamefully Westernized bikini zone, right? Wrong.
Think of all the short but revealing moments in the onsen, while changing in the gym, etc.
So, you better get that bush growing..!
Now, what do you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT Japanese and might not understand your choice:
- if he/she lives in Japan too, it’s a good idea for them to also want to be part of the culture. You can both agree to stop shaving/trimming and save some time for other pleasant activities, like reading books or playing monopoly, because your sex drive might decrease with all that hair stuck in the teeth.
- If you left him/her in your home country, just don’t mention that next time you have skype sex.
- Actually, why are you dating a foreigner in the first place?! You live in Japan, and especially if you’re a man, you should NOT be dating a foreign woman. No one dates a foreign woman in Japan, apart from men on business trips (well, an Eastern European hostess migh get some catch).
OK, now lets have a look at possible consequences, advantages/disadvantages and practical tips.
Advantages & disadvantages:
- If you are a man with a small penis, you can hide it in your bush and no one will ever know. Even your girlfriend won’t know because it will go from one bush straight into another.
- You can hide the visible signs of STDs in that bush. No one can see genital warts once they’re covered by a good few centimetres of bush, now can they? Hence, you can still get laid; Moreover, people will not be afraid of you in the onsen even if you have all the ugliest STDs in the world.
- You save around 6,000yen each month if you stop waxing (which can buy you a dildo should your gaijin boyfriend dump you for that)
- Get some tooth-floss. You’ll need it to get out all the pubes stuck in your teeth.
- Get hair-bands, bobby pins and similar equipment before engaging into oral play.
- They say that the Japanese can pull-off the whole pube thing because their pubic hair is different. Tip: use the best, most rich hair conditioner on your pubes to make them as silky as possible. You may want to try hair straighteners.
Please refer to the article “Why the Japanese don’t shave” for an insight into this daring tradition.
Posted in How to Pretend You're Japanese
Tagged brazilian, hair, Japan, japanese, nihon, onsen, penis, pubes, pubic, shave, std, women
1. “Mayonnaise Bandits” : a story of two 16 year olds squirting mayonnaise at passers-by in order to grab their bags. There have been 19 cases reported in two days!
2. “Tokyo fireman arrested for stealing underwear from a woman’s apartment” : I was kind of expecting it to be all ladder climbing, window breaking type of thing, but according to the fireman he just confused the apartment with that of his friend and the front door was unlocked… oh, he was also caught intoxicated, with two pairs of underwear in hand.
3. “Postman arrested for ditching mail in Wakayama”: the guy failed to deliver 101 postcards and letters, hiding it in some unoccupied house since… January (last year, that is). It says the letters were found undamaged, so they will be delivered to the recipients.
4. “Man arrested for filming up woman’s skirt”: check this out: “Police seized his cell phone and found about 620 similar images and videos, and will pursue further charges. Okuda was quoted by police as saying: “I’ve been coming to crowded places where there are lots of women wearing short skirts for about two years now. I read up on techniques on the Internet.”
5. “Officer in anti-drunken driving campaign fired for drunken driving“: it’s a pity this story is “expired”, but nevertheless, the headline looks good.
Posted in Culture-shock!
Tagged bandits, crime, crimes, driving, drunk, film, Japan, japanese, mayonnaise, nihon, skirt, video, women